Harry Potter and the Half Baked Smut
by dstu
Summary: Harry Potter's romantic luck is about to change. Watch as our hero experiences many sensual and absurd situations. His romantic exploits will start out kinky, and only get more extreme from then on. (Year Six. Lemon. Lemons. Smut. Straight pairings. Lesbian pairings. Kinky).
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Half Baked Smut

by D. Stu

Trigger Warnings: shameless smut, teen sex, incest, magic sex rituals, and bad writing

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Chapter 1

On the train back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the 6th time, Harry Potter muses;

His godfather, Sirius Black, has just been murdered by Death Eaters.

Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster and mentor of Harry, hardly helped Harry at all last year.

The so called "Order of the Phoenix" was mostly useless.

And the dreaded lord Voldemort felt powerful enough to openly terrorize Britain once again.

Great.

In other words, Harry Potter needed a vacation. Too much stress is bad for the heart.

But, there were a few things in Harry's favor.

His friends, Ron and Hermione, helped Harry through thick and thin. Well, Hermione did most of the helping, but Ron tried.

Kind of.

Some of the time.

When he felt like it.

Okay, so Hermione was Harry's only friend.

Well, Ginny was pretty all right, too.

And the rest of the Weasely family.

And Tonks.

And a lot of the other students from Harry's year were all right, too. Like Amelia Bones.

And Luna Lovegood.

And the Patil twins.

And Katie Bell.

And Cho Chang… when she wasn't crying.

And even some of the Slitherin girls were easy on the eyes. Daphne Greengrass has such a nice ass.

Hell, half the reason Harry kept failing his Astronomy lessons was because Professor Sinistra kept flashing Harry her charming ebony smile.

Okay, so Harry was also a bit randy. Whenever he wasn't thinking about evil wizards, he was thinking about butts, baps, and bellybuttons… and what lay below them.

Speaking of hot girls…

"Hello, Harry," two very hot Indian girls greeted him.

"Padma. Parvati. Hi," Harry said suavely.

Ever since fighting Voldemort twice, Harry had mostly gotten over his confidence issues. If he could survive a fight with old Voldy, he could flirt with the girls.

Parvati giggled, and Padma just smiled happily. They had yet to change into their school robes, so Harry could still see the outline of their bodies. They wore tight tee-shirts and frilled miniskirts. They were both about 5'5", with B-cup breasts. Since Harry was about 5'10", this let him look down at their breasts and still make it look like her was looking at their faces, sometimes. Padma always wore her ebony hair in a braid, while Parvati wore her hair a few inches shorter and with no particular styling.

"How's it going?" Parvati asked.

"Could be worse," Harry said.

"Well, that's fine," Padma said. "But what if we told you we could help make everyone a little bit happier. And you, Harry, a lot happier."

"Well, that sound good to me," Harry said. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well," Parvati said. "It is an ancient Hindu magic ritual that will make the castors extremely lucky."

"Oh, that sounds nice," Harry said. "How much luckier?"

"Well, not to get into the details, but if you were the only male in the ritual, you would get a lot of luck," Padma said.

"And not just any kind of luck," Parvati whispered. "Love luck."

Parvati giggled.

"Love luck?" Harry asked. "How so?"

"Everyone whom you want to sleep with, you will get them in your bed very easily," Padma said.

"Oh," Harry said.

"Oh!" Harry smiled. "That sounds really good! I just snap my fingers, and boom! I get the bird."

Harry's mind was running wild with images of naked Patil twins, naked Hermione, naked Ginny, naked Daphne Greengrass, naked Lavender Brown, naked Amelia Bones, naked Cho Chang, naked Luna Lovegood, and naked Tonks.

"You will get extremely 'lucky', very often," Padma said. "And your endurance will be boosted, so you can keep going more often, and for longer periods of time."

"That sounds good," Harry licked his lips. "Too good. What's the catch?"

"Well, for one, there's no going back after we do the ritual. You will get all the action, whether you want it or not," Padma said.

"And, you may not have full control over who you end up shagging," Parvati said. "You won't turn gay or anything, but be prepared for some unexpected shagging."

"But the main payment is everyone's virginity. You are a virgin, are you not?" Padma asked.

Harry nodded his head.

"Good. Sex rituals can be very powerful when virginities are given as payment."

Harry didn't need to think very long.

"That's it? Well, brilliant! Sign me up," Harry said.

"Great!" Parvati exclaimed.

"Meet us in the Room of Requirement tonight at eleven," Padma said.

"See you later, Harry," Parvati sang.

"Wait!" Harry exclaimed. "What will I have to do at the ritual?"

Padma and Parvati exchanged smiling glances.

"Us," they said together.

As one, they leaded in and gave Harry a kiss on the cheek.

They left, and Harry stood there with a vacant smile on his face.

Harry was imagining naked a Parvati kissing a naked Padma, and then both of them turning and kissing him. He kept thinking like this for some time, and soon, had to make a trip to the bathroom.

After taking care of his needs, Harry returned to find Hermione, Ginny, and Luna sitting in his room. Hermione was reading the new Potions book, Ginny was reading a Quidditch magazine, and Luna was humming and looking out the window.

"Hello, all," Harry said.

They returned his greetings. Hermione, comfortably. Luna, dreamily. And Ginny, softly.

Harry sat next to Hermione, and across from Luna and Ginny.

"I've been thinking," Harry said.

"Oh, you hardly need my approval to do that, Harry," Luna said.

"What about?" Hermione asked.

"About the war," Harry said soberly. "We could essentially die at any moment now that Voldemort is on the loose and in full steam." Harry tried not to think about the prophesy.

"That's very morbid, Harry," Hermione said.

"But true," Luna added.

"Yes, so what can we do about it?" Ginny asked.

Harry was silent for a while.

"We prepare. Like the D.A. But even more," Harry said.

"Of course we can do that," Hermione said.

"But we also live our lives," Harry added. "Experience as much life as we can. Within reason."

"What do you mean?" Ginny asked. "Our lives are pretty much full attending school."

"Harry is randy and wants to get laid," Luna said.

The others looked at Luna.

"L-Luna!" Ginny said, blushing.

Hermione noticed Harry blushing, but not correcting Luna.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Sorry girls, but Luna has the right idea. If I wait until I am comfortably employed with a decent paycheck to start dating, well, I'll get assassinated before I get laid."

They were silent for a while.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Harry," Hermione said. "But I'm not going to sleep with you just because you need a pick me up. I promised my parents I wouldn't sleep around."

"Mum would kill me," Ginny whispered.

 _She didn't say 'no,'_ Harry thought.

"I would be happy to help you out, Harry," Luna said.

They all looked at Luna again.

"But the Nargles are migrating. It's very unlucky to start a new relationship now. Ask me again later."

Harry drooped. "Bugger," he said.

"Well, don't get too discouraged," Hermione said. "I'd much sooner shag you than anyone else in this school."

Ginny whispered something unintelligible, still blushing red hot.

Luna went back to daydreaming and looking out the window.

Harry had a feeling the girls would be singing a different tune tomorrow. After the ritual.

…

…

…

…

Harry paced back and forth three times on the seventh floor corridor at 10:43pm. The Room of Requirement door appeared, so he knocked on the frame.

The door opened a moment later, revealing a smiling Padma Patil. She was wearing a purple silk bathrobe.

"You're early," Padma said.

"Can you really blame me?" Harry asked, bouncing on his soles.

"Not really," she laughed. "Come inside."

"Thanks."

Harry followed her in, and she closed and locked the door. It was a very big lock.

Inside was a king-sized bed. A few tables scattered around the dim room held burning yellow candles, which gave off a soft vanilla smell. Parvati was inside, wearing a pink silk robe. She was using her wand to scatter pink rose petals everywhere.

"Very romantic," Harry said.

"Parvati wanted our first time to be special," Padma said. "Well, time to start the ritual."

Parvati walked over. On a nearby table sat three blue potions and three red potions.

"We need to drink these," Padma said. "They are part of the ritual. After we drink, we have exactly seventy-seven minutes for each of us to make love to everyone else. Meaning, I have sex with Parvati, then I have sex with Harry. Then, Parvati has sex with Harry. Then we all three of us have sex together. Then, after we all have our final orgasms together, we drink the second red potions. During the ritual, Harry must cum inside both of us. This will conclude the ritual. It's okay if we finish before the time runs out. If we are in the mood, we can keep going even after we finish the ritual. We will notice the effects after we sleep."

Harry digested all this.

"You two are going to do it?" Harry asked with a peculiar smile. "You're going to shag each other?"

"Oh, stop drooling," Padma said. "Yes, we are going to have sex with each other first. It's part of the ritual."

"That is so, so hot," Harry said, once again undressing the twins with his eyes. "But couldn't I get you pregnant if I cum in you?"

"We took anti-pregnancy potions so that can't happen," Padma said. "All Hogwarts witches are given a free supply at the beginning of their fourth year, and are required to take it. One potion lasts for nine months. Anyway, let's get started."

"I think Harry is all fired up," Parvati said, looking at the large erection in showing underneath his slacks.

"Bottoms up," Parvati said.

"Cheers," Harry said.

Together, they drank the blue potion. Harry chugged his in three seconds. Parvati drank hers in sips, and Padma drank hers evenly in measured gulps.

Harry felt numb for a few seconds, but the feeling faded.

"Okay," Padma said. "Parvati and I will go first. Harry, take a seat here. Remember, you can't have sex with us until Parvati and I do it first."

"Oh, sis. Stop being so surgical," Parvati said. "Harry, you can take your clothes off now. I want to see your todger before you stick it in my pussy."

"O-Okay," Harry said.

Harry unbuttoned his shirt and took it off. He was somewhat pale, but had a decent tan on his face, neck, and arms from being outside all summer. He wasn't very muscled, but years of Quidditch had left him firm and free of flab.

He yanked off his shoes and undid his belt. Pulling his pants down revealed his toned thigh muscles. He wore black, cotton boxers, which showed his very hard erection.

"Go on," Parvati said, licking her lips.

Padma looked very attentive.

Harry gulped, and slid down his boxers. His six-point-one inch, uncircumcised, penis was revealed. It curved up slightly, and the mushroom head gleamed in the candle light. His ball sack hung down about two inches, and his nuts were about one inch across each. He had curly black pubic hair on his groin, leading up to his belly button. But he had almost no chest or facial hair.

"That's a nice rod," Parvati said, drooling a little. "Not too big and not too small."

"It's a very nice penis," Padma agreed.

"Thank you," Harry said, blushing. "Now it's your guys' turn."

"As you wish," Parvati said, winking.

As one, they untied their bathrobes and slid them off their bodies. Underneath, they wore matching white lace bras and panties.

"Fucking nice!" Harry muttered.

Now that the moment had come, Parvati looked excited, but Padma looked apprehensive.

Parvati embraced her sister.

"What's the matter, sis?" Parvati asked. "You nervous about making love?"

Parvati started kissing Padma's neck and rubbing her back.

"It's not that," Padma muttered. "I'm just going to be a bit awkward… committing incest with my sister."

Padma finally returned Parvati's embrace and started massaging her sister's arse. The Ravenclaw girl made circles on top of the other girls' panty-clan cheeks.

Parvati looked her in the face.

"But don't you remember when we were kids, we used to play 'doctor,' all the time."

Parvati unsnapped Padma's bra and tossed it aside. Padma's breasts were a solid B-cup, but not very perky. Her brown aoelas were slightly darker than her cinnamon skin, and her nipples were erect.

"That was different," Padma said, but didn't stop Parvati from undressing her further.

"And there was all those times at summer camp," Parvati said. "You used to sneak into my sleeping bag every night so we could 'cuddle.' And every morning, I would wake up with a wet patch under my arse."

Parvati knelt down and pulled down Padma's white lacy panties, revealing her curly, dark, pubic hair and puffy, pink vagina.

"I was in puberty," Padma said. "I couldn't help it."

Despite her words, Padma took Parvati's head and guided it to her groin.

Parvati combed her sister's pubic hair with her teeth, and then blew on Padma's clitoris.

"Don't tease," Padma said, now panting.

"Then say you want to fuck me," Parvati said, looking up. "Say you want to go all the way and commit incest with your twin sister."

"Pav, please make love to me," Padma said. "Make me feel special, like no other sister ever could."

Parvati stood up and kissed Padma on the nose.

"Then take off my clothes… lover," Parvati said.

Padma reached behind her twin's back and unsnapped the bra. She let it drop, revealing an exact duplicate of Padma's breasts.

Padma knelt down and grasped Parvati's panties. She guided them to the ground, and looked up into Parvati's pussy. Parvati had trimmed her pubic hair into a triangle.

"You are so beautiful," Padma breathed.

Padma started licking. Her tongue was a pink blur as she licked deeper and deeper inside her sister.

"Oooohh, yes…," Parvati moaned. She placed her hands on her sister's head and pushed Padma in deeper.

Padma crammed her tongue as deep as it could go.

"Yes!"

Pussy juice flowed out of Parvati and onto Padma's mouth and neck. The sound of Padma eating Parvati's pussy was echoing inside the small room.

Nearby, Harry was masturbating as fast as he could.

 _This is so fucking hot!_ Harry thought.

"I love you!" Parvati exclaimed, and started cumming.

Warm salty liquid started spraying into Padma's mouth in spurts. Parvati held her tight, so Padma was forced to swallow some of the juice. Padma swallowed mouthfuls of her twin's cum again and again.

Finally, Parvati sighed, and collapsed back onto the bed.

Padma sat back and swallowed one last mouthful of cum.

"Aah~hh," she said, and wiped some of the juice from her mouth. Her cheeks and neck was soaked, and liquid was dripping on her tits.

While Parvati rested for a minute, Padma turned to Harry. Harry's dick was starting to get red from all of his wanking

"You can't do that, Harry," Padma said. "You need to cum inside us. The ritual won't work otherwise."

Harry lowered his hands and tried to relax. "Can you blame me?" Harry asked.

"Let me help you, then," Padma said. She picked up her wand and waved it at him.

Ropes appeared and bound Harry's wrists to the chair. He gulped.

"I'm not really into bondage," Harry said.

Parvati had recovered.

"Don't worry, Harry," Parvati said. "After I make Padma cum, you get to fuck both of us individually, and then together at the same time. Now, where were we?"

Parvati knelt and kissed her sister's clitoris.

"Fuck!" Padma exclaimed.

"Ohyuu," Parvati chuckled. "What would mother say?"

"Mother would spank us and permanently enchant us with chastity belts," Padma said. "Now hurry up and do me."

Suddenly, Parvati pushed Padma on her hip. Padma backed up and fell arse-first onto the bed.

"Oohf," Padma said.

"Time to loosen you up," Parvati said, licking her lips.

The Gryffindor dove in and started eating her sister's pussy.

"Fuuuuuck!" Padma moaned, pushing the other girl down into her crotch.

"Mmmm," Parvati hummed as she slurped. She pulled her wet face up for a moment.

"Don't stop now," Padma said.

"Let's try this," Parvati said, and stuck two fingers inside Padma's vagina.

After fingering her for a while, Parvati pulled out.

"I'm so close," Padma panted.

"Then try this on for size," the other girl said, and slowly pushed her wet fingers into Padma's asshole.

"H-Hey!" Padma yelped.

"Shhh…" Parvati said and started eating out her sister and fingering her asshole at the same time.

Parvati's tongue reached deep inside Padma. Padma could feel her sister's fingers inside her ass.

"That's so dirty!" Padma screamed.

Parvati curled her fingers up so Padma could feel the fingers on one side and the tongue on the other side in the same spot.

"C-Cumming!" Padma said and started cumming.

Parvati rotated her fingers like a drill as she sucked the juices that her sister squirted. Padma fell limp.

"Mmm! So salty," Parvati swallowed again and licked her lips.

"Ha. Ha," Padma huffed. "We should have done this a long time ago."

"Totally," Parvati said.

"Girls," Harry called. "Care to share?"

The twins turned Harry. He wore a big, pleading smile.

"Looks like our big stud is ready to race," Parvati said.

"You go first, sister," Padma said. "You've earned it."

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AN:

This is mostly a teaser chapter, to gauge interest. If I get enough reviews or followers, I'd probably continue this story. I have part of the next chapter written, and an outline for the next 10 or so chapters. The kinks are only going to get weirder, but nothing too dark or gross. Trigger warnings will be posted at the beginning.

This was inspired by the fanfics: "The Nargles in the Air," one of my favorite smut stories. Also probably influenced by "Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryfindore."

Disclaimer: This is just a parody. I don't own Harry Potter. This is not for profit. Read only if you are 18 years or older.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and the Half Baked Smut

by D. Stu

Trigger Warnings: shameless smut, teen sex, incest, magic sex rituals, and bad writing

New Triggers: threesome, bondage, straight sex, creampie

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Chapter 2 

Padma waved her wand and undid Harry's bonds.

He Sprung up.

"Brilliant," He said. "So, how do you want me to do you?" He asked Parvati.

Parvati blushed and looked away.

"Oh, no," Padma face palmed.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Oh, it's just a weird fantasy," Parvati said breezily. "I've always wondered what it would be like if I was taken against my will for the first time. You know- rape fantasy-?" She trailed off.

Harry was silent for a moment.

"Hey," he chuckled. "Whatever gets your engine going, I suppose. You could have Padma Confound you, perhaps. I'm not a very good actor."

"Perhaps next time, Parvati said. "Jut shag me doggy style and pound me hard enough to turn my arse red."

"That works too." He said. "Wait, I thought you wanted your first time to be romantic?"

"Whatever," she said. "Just do me already."

Parvati knelt on the carpet on all four limbs. She stuck her arse up high, showing off her wet snatch.

Harry admired the view.

"Hurry up, Harry," Parvati whined.

Suddenly, Padma held up a cloth blindfold, a rubber ball gag, and a fur-lined set of handcuffs. All hotrod red.

"Maybe she would enjoy these?" Padma asked,

"Oh, definitely," Harry smiled.

"Enjoy what?" Parvati glanced back over her arse. "Hey, are those-"

Harry waved his wand. The cloth blindfold flew up and tied itself around her eyes.

"Hey!" she said.

"No talking," he said.

Harry waved his wand again. The red ball-gag sailed into her mouth, and the leather straps tied themselves behind her head.

Harry wasn't sure where this dominate side of himself was coming from. Perhaps the potion was guiding him.

"Mmmm!" Parvati squealed.

She sat up and tried to take the gear off.

"No!" Harry said. "Bad girl!"

Harry swished his wand a third time. The handcuffs flew and snapped onto her right wrist. Harry set his wand down and knelt behind her.

"Hot little Indian girls must learn their place," he said.

"Mmm!" She moaned.

He pulled both of her arms behind her back and handcuffed her hands together. He pushed her head forward and guided her face into the carpet. He lined up his throbbing six-inch dick with her brown and pink vagina. He pushed the tip in a little bit.

"Mmm!"

"Fast and hard, coming up!" He exclaimed, and thrust into her wet, tight snatch.

"MMM!" She moaned, a little bit of red dripping out of her pussy.

"Oh, God." Harry moaned. "Your twat feels good."

"Oh, God, that is so hot," Padma muttered as she knelt next to them, fingering herself.

"Mmm- mm Mmmh!" Parvati moaned.

"Ho-, yeah, oh… FUCK!" He exclaimed.

His balls jumped and he jammed his dick in as deep as he could reach. Semen pumped out like a bursting dam.

"Shiiiit," Harry said, and pumped the last of his semen inside.

He slowly pulled out and sat back on his bum.

"Mmmmmmmh," Parvati moaned, dripping semen and girlcum from her vagina.

"Fuck, that is dirty," Padma said, and started untying her sister's bonds.

After Parvati was free, she groggily swished her wand at her vagina. Some of the puffy redness disappeared from her mons pubis.

"Ahh, that's better," she said, panting.

"Jesus," Harry said. "I'm really sorry about all that. I don't know what came over me."

"Actually, it was perfect," Parvati said. "It's what I always secretly hoped would happen to me. I even came."

"Oh, that's all right, then," he said.

"Brilliant!" Padma said. "My turn. Now listen closely, Harry. I want you to fuck me missionary style on the bed. And I want you to cum inside me balls deep. And don't pull out."

"Whew," Harry said. "Give me a minute to recover."

"And I want Pav right up-close underneath the action," Padma said. "I want her squeezing your balls as you pump your semen into me."

"… as you wish," he said, standing.

Padma got on the bed on her back and held her arms out in invitation. He beautiful brown and pink slit glistened in the candlelight.

Harry eased himself into her embrace, squishing their nude bodies together. Together, they guided his renewed and stiff dick to her slick vagina entrance. He teased her patch of curly black pubic hair for a few moments, before pressing the tip of his head into her folds.

"See," Parvati said. "Already hard again. Not bad."

"It's always better with twins," Harry muttered, his dick projecting about a half inch into her womanhood. "You ready, Padma?"

"Y-Yes," Padma said, hooking her arms around his side, and wrapping them tightly behind his shoulders. "Be gentle on me."

Harry nodded, and started to push in.

She gasped, then bit her lip.

"Fuuuuck," Padma moaned, as his dick pushed against her hymen. "Do it."

With a hard jerk, Harry sank his penis into her moist and tight vagina, sinking all the ways balls deep.

"Ouch!" Padma exclaimed.

They were locked together, pelvis to pelvis. Their curly pubic hairs tangled together.

"Yesssss," Parvati hissed, fingering herself as she watched from a few inches away from their joined sexes. "Fillll her-"

Padma made small, feminine grunting sounds.

Harry grunted and pulled out a bit. Then, his core became a metronome of action, thrusting deep into her again and again. Her asscheeks and groin made wet smacking sounds, and her heaving teenage breasts slammed back and forth. Their hips slapped together as Harry attempted to beat his previous time in cumming.

His fuzzy brain could only comprehend that he needed to spill inside the female underneath him as fast as possible.

Padma pushed her legs up and linked them behind Harry's arse.

"T-This is- Fuck!- What is known as the- Shit! The 'mating press'… ouch! In the Karma Sutraaaaa- ahh! Oh, shit! Harry, I can feel your cum squirting inside meeee-!"

Harry pushed himself balls deep, each inch of his front in contact with her brown skin. Padma wrapped him tighter as Parvati needed his balls as they pumped load after load of semen into her fertile womb.

"Aha- ~ara- uh-" Padma slurred, feeling his semen pool inside her. "I think it went inside me womb."

"Shite," Harry said, and collapsed next to her. "I think I'm don't for the night."

Harry's soft snores filled the room.

.

.

.

Harry dreamed for a moment. Then, he dreamed of wetness. And warmth.

He came to.

He couldn't see much. Only the glistening backside of one of the twins. The other twin was currently riding his erect dick.

"W-what?" Harry groaned, his privates sliding in and out of a wet vagina.

Padma, the twin currently not riding him, turned her head from kissing Parvati.

She said, "The ritual, Harry. You still need to fuck both of us at the same time, and cum inside us to finish the ritual."

Harry realized that while Parvati was riding his once again erect dick, Padma was grinding her wet snatch against his core and pubic hairs.

"Jolly good," Harry said, waking up more. "I think I'm actually really close.

"Hurry!" Parvati said. "Cum inside me!"

"Urgh," Harry moaned, and started cumming.

"It's hot!" Parvati shrieked. "Padma, hurry!"

Parvati slid off Harry's jerking penis, and Padma slid it inside herself.

Harry emptied his balls into her.

"Fuuuck," he groaned.

After a moment, he finished. He took a moment to chug the red potion next to him. Again, he collapsed, utterly spent.

"Good night," he said, and drifted off once again.

.

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.

AN:

I'm back for more, but no promises it will continue.

Disclaimer: This is just a parody. I don't own Harry Potter. This is not for profit. Read only if you are 18 years or older.


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